Posts Tagged ‘society’

Gender and Friendship

Monday, August 17th, 2009

Many people prefer their friends to be of a particular gender. Heterosexual cisgendered people tend to be homosocial.

The genders in a relationship define the characteristics of that friendship. Man-man homosocial friendships are typically characterized by activities. Woman-woman homosocial friendships are typically characterized by talking. Both of these friendships have distinct psychological benefits.

It turns out that man-woman heterosocial friendships are much more like woman-woman friendships than man-man friendships. As a result, men who make friends with women benefit disproportionately (because women already have lots of woman friends).

I’m a strongly gynosocial man. I have some good friends that are men, but I have trouble building and maintaining acquaintanceships. I’d like to think I’m gynosocial because I like talking more than doing, but maybe I’m just using chicks for the emotional intimacy? ;)

HOWTO: Organize Humans Hierarchically

Thursday, July 9th, 2009

In discussing Dunbar’s Number and urban tribes, I’m looking for fundamental scales of human organization. Ryley pointed me to two quite similar hierarchies:

Colloquial term Dunbar term Dunbar size military term military size
family support clique 3 – 5 team 4
extended family sympathy group 12 – 20 squad 9 – 10
band band 30 – 50 platoon 16 – 44
tribe clan 150 company 62 – 190
? megaband 500 battalion 300 – 1000
subculture tribe 1500 brigade 3000 – 5000

The military grouping is often said to be consistent throughout history, although with support units it’s hard to be sure apples are compared to apples. I think the numbers have been tending downward in the last 100 years due to area-effect weapons and mobilization (you can control less troops when they’re moving around really fast and you don’t want to keep them too close together). This guy claims that you need 6 people to maintain sentries, which might have something to do with why teams are almost always deployed at least in pairs (eg: one of my favourite video games, Full Spectrum Warrior).

“Support cliques” and “sympathy groups” are so named by Dunbar because of specific ways of measuring them: your support clique is your first line of support in really tough times and your sympathy group is the people who’d be devastated if you died. This table makes it clear that the phrase “urban tribes” was coined by Ethan Watters without much background reading. Watters is talking about post-kinship, post-economic families and needed a snappy name.

Anthropologists are convinced that these group sizes are based on human cognitive limits. I’m not sure I’m ready to give up my dedication to 8ish as a common human grouping (for example, as the maximum size for an ad-hoc meeting) given that 7±2 is the most famous human cognitive limit.

Set a Trap to Catch a Friend

Monday, March 30th, 2009

I have a handful of Facebook friends that I met in real life, hit it off with and then friended in the hopes that we could grow that relationship. As Stewart observes, this doesn’t work.

There’s always the chance that we’ll discover some obscure interest or connection in our profile info to build a friendship on (shared interests is the standard foundation of man-on-man friendship). But I think the more likely model is that I’ll have an event that fulfills these three criteria:

  1. I invite a lot of people, including acquaintances
  2. Is comfortable for attendees that don’t really know anybody
  3. Is compelling enough that people attend despite the opportunity cost

Other people don’t seem to be involved in events that fulfill #1 (I don’t get invited to many events unless they need bums-in-seats). Since I’m actively working on this, I suspect #3 is where I’m failing. I’ve tried dinners at restaurants, park barbecues, daytime open houses and evening house parties – these tend to get low response rates from good friends and acquaintances alike, even when there’s free food.

Can you, dear readers, brainstorm event ideas that might fit those criteria? Or are we living in a narcissistic wasteland where nobody risks attending events that might not be fun?

About A Boy on Urban Tribes

Thursday, March 12th, 2009

About a Boy is a story of two lone wolves, Marcus and Will, moving to build a tribe around them. This project has only started by the end of the narrative (better implied in the movie than the book, I think); here are two snippets from the final chapters:

Ali: Do you still want him to marry your mum?
Marcus: Naah. See, I don’t think that’s the right way. When people pair off it’s more insecure because they’ll split up, or go mad or something.
Will: What if we stay together forever?
Marcus: Fine. Great. Prove it. I just don’t think couples are the future.

Marcus: I feel safer than before, because I know more people.
Marcus’ Dad: They won’t be around forever.
Marcus: Some of them will, some of them won’t. You can find people. It’s like those acrobatic displays. Those ones when you stand on top of loads of people in a pyramid. It doesn’t really matter who they are as long as they’re there and you don’t let them go away without finding someone else.

In the second quote Marcus uses a network perspective: the structure of the system is more important than the elements that make it up.