Ashley Judd wrote an insightful essay criticizing the media for speculating on her plastic surgery. Here’s the money shot:

Patriarchy is not men. Patriarchy is a system in which both women and men participate. It privileges, inter alia, the interests of boys and men over the bodily integrity, autonomy, and dignity of girls and women. It is subtle, insidious, and never more dangerous than when women passionately deny that they themselves are engaging in it. This abnormal obsession with women’s faces and bodies has become so normal that we (I include myself at times—I absolutely fall for it still) have internalized patriarchy almost seamlessly…The dialogue is constructed so that our bodies are a source of speculation, ridicule, and invalidation, as if they belong to others…

However, she notes “inevitably some will comment that because I am a creative person, I have abdicated my right to a distinction between my public and private selves, an additional, albeit related, track of highly distorted thinking that will have to be addressed at another time.” Here’s my distorted thinking:

Her plea would be more convincing if her entire career weren’t built in a system that handsomely rewards female beauty. She should be held responsible for deciding to capitalize on her appearance while more talented but less beautiful actresses cannot. In particular, she is being paid to be the face of H. Stern Jewelery and an Estée Lauder cosmetic brand called American Beauty.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking celebrities are people like you and me. They’re brands that sell based on their appearance. Speculating on Judd’s face is no different from discussing the shape of the iPad 3. The problem is not that we care about Judd’s plastic surgery, the problem is that we care about Judd at all.

Despite the author it’s a good essay.

Best

Colin Firth wore a shawl-collar tuxedo to the Golden Globes. Firth followed the rule that the Oscars is more formal than the Globes by wearing peak lapels, which are more formal than a shawl collar. The fit is better and I dig his bowtie and studs, but he’s docked points for an extra jacket button.

Taylor Lautner similarly demonstrated that the Globes are creative black-tie while the Oscars are a more serious matter. His jacket sleeves and pants were too long, but the thin shawl lapel with narrow trousers is definitely the fashionable look for a tuxedo.

Christoph Waltz actually wore the same fashionable style as Lautner with distinctive pointy shoes. His sleeves are a little better and he remembered to leave his watch at home.

Notable

Bradley Cooper wore an unfortunately-styled tuxedo over an awesome double-breasted formal vest.

Worst

James Cameron, on the other hand, wore a lounge vest that’s too small, making him look like a sausage (maybe it was supposed to act as a girdle?). Combined with a four-in-hand tie and aqua pocket square, he looked like the loser he turned out to be.

Jeremy Renner combined a bad vest with the tie and pocket square he wore to his highschool prom.

Jamie Fox wore a smoking jacket?!

And Robert Downey Junior dressed in a rumpled child costume complete with clip-on bowtie: so much for most improved!

Best

Colin Firth was just about the only person who got all the details right on his tuxedo (or “dinner jacket”, as he would say). His jacket sleeves are riding up in some of the photos, but since I have exactly the same problem with my tuxedo, I’m not going to dock him points for that.

If I were a 17-year-old wearwolf, I’d wear a crazy-shiny black suit like Taylor Lautner. But I’d know that a crazy suit is enough and wear a classic shirt and tie.

Most Improved

Compare to the 2009 Oscars.

Mickey Rourke actually seems to have a black tie uniform: he’s not just wearing random shit. All-black is easier on the eyes than the white from the Oscars. Snakeskin lapels are amusingly over the top.

Omitting a tie is probably within Robert Downey Jr’s artistic license and much less of a disaster than past outfits. His peak-lapelled tuxedo is pretty good: big shirt studs, silk pocket square, he even has a cummerbund! The only acceptable watch to wear to something like this is a big diamond-encrusted one worn over the shirt sleeve.

Worst

I liked Kevin McHale’s (Glee) outfit when I could only see the bowtie. When I saw that it was an oversized black suit with the bottom button incorrectly fastened, he ended up here. (Note: McHale is 21 – no excuse for dressing like his character.) His costar Matthew Morrison almost fell this far as well.

Brenden Gleeson is a good example of why you can only wear a tuxedo with an exposed waist if you’re a rough&tumble James Bond.

Naomi Wolf has written an essay on Angelina Jolie for Harper’s Bazaar, which is ironic because that’s one of the magazines she criticizes in The Beauty Myth. I read the essay as a deconstruction of the Angelina brand (because surely the sign is very far from the real person), but Wolf has also been criticized as just having a crush. Either way, it includes some good summary of third-wave feminism; eg:

Consider how patriarchal civilization has managed to keep women in hand for all these millennia. Among other methods of social control, women are almost always given a series of either-or choices. The deal is usually that they may realize one aspect of their personality but at the expense of many others. And the deal is usually that if they choose “too much,” a terrible punishment one way or another awaits them.
…
The magic of Jolie’s self-presentation? She makes the claim, with her life and actions, that, indeed, you can get away with it. All of it.

In Canada we have threeish heads of state: the Queen, the Governor General and the Prime Minister. The US is a more celebrity-obsessed culture and yet have only one, so a lot of attention goes to the President. Case in point: some Democrats have decided that since Barack Obama is a good campaigner, his wife must be attractive (and their marriage is great, etc.).

Now I’m not saying Michelle’s not pretty (although she dresses badly), but she’s no Jackie-O (NSFW), and she’s definitely no Carla Bruni, the most desirable woman in the world.

Best

Will Smith’s shawl-collar, double-breasted tuxedo stands out in a good way. It fits him perfectly. He tied his own bow-tie and remembered to wear shirt studs. The shawl lapels are wide enough that he can even pull off a broach.

Dev Patel is a skinny dude so he wore a skinny tux. It’s slim-cut single-button with a narrow shawl lapel. His bow-tie is the perfect size and the shirt’s ruffled placket is a neat touch, too bad the sleeves weren’t a bit longer. The flap pockets are also unfortunate.

Hugh Jackman’s main costume was a perfect classical tuxedo with a shawl-collared vest. The only problem with his outfit was the shirt buttons, which is a mistake also made by a lot of his guests.

We expect Mickey Rourke to be dressed crazy, but his white suit with black vest was actually kind of a reasonable way to say “fuck convention”.

Honourable Mention

John Legend’s brown suit-tuxedo is bad (worst dig: “was he sponsored by UPS?”), but if you must wear a four-in-hand tie, as many stars do, you should at least kick it up a notch with a tie clip or pin.

Worst

Given that he’s one of the most-photographed people there, you think he’d get a real bow-tie. Maybe he could have asked his dozens of nannies if any of them know how to tie one? Brad Pitt’s tuxedo was lacking in all sorts of other details.

I’d like to think that Philippe Petit’s weird shiny suit and dandified white scarf were some kind of commentary on America. But I suspect the real explanation is that French entertainers dress just as badly as entertainers in other countries.

Philip Seymour Hoffman looks like he’s attending his own funeral, but that’s better than last year when he was attending his own prom. I’m not even going to mention the toque.

Sean Penn wore the worst of all possible shirts. First, it’s nearly as dark as his tux (midnight blue rather than black), which is a cool look if you’re an appropriate age to date Miley Cyrus. Second, the collar doesn’t fit, so he has to leave it unbuttoned. And finally, it’s a button-down collar, which I don’t like for casual wear but can’t even conceive of for formal wear – and he makes it even worse by undoing the buttons! Amazing.