This is your embedded reporter writing from the front lines of the television experience. Tonight: Distraction, the British game show where people answer questions ranging from simple to obscure while being severely distracted.

On tonight’s episode the contestants raced to answer questions and win a car. For each correct answer they received a graphic piercing, culminating in a nipple piercing for the win.

But it doesn’t end there, folks! After the car was in the bag the winning contestant had to answer another five questions. The penalty for wrong answers included (poorly) tagged side panels, broken sideview mirrors, and a smashed windscreen.

Ah Britain, mother of all true culture.