» On the Occasion of Your Lack of Nuptials…
Dear Prince William:
As your employer, I would like to inform you of my preferences for future Queens. I’m sure middle-class British birds are good fun – and a favourable alternative to compromising barracks shenanigans with your officer chums – but for a wife, I’d like to get a little more bang for my tax dollar. So now that you’re single, I’d like to make some recommendations:
Princess Iman bint al Hussein
Daughter of King Hussein of Jordon. Your grandmother’s man, Mr. Blair, has some work going on in the region, and he could really use your boots on the ground – figuratively but not literally. You and her are both graduates of Royal Military Academy Sandhurst.
Princess Lalla Soukaïna Filali
Niece of King Mohammed VI of Morocco. A more Occidental (and frankly, much hotter) Muslim than Princess Iman.
Princess Tsuguko of Takamado
First-Cousin-Once-Removed of Emperor Akihito of Japan. Japan is the richest monarchy in the world, so this union would create a powerhouse. Princesses Akiko and Yoko are closer to your age, but Tsugoko is reportedly more fun. She is currently attending the University of Edinburgh.
Princess Jenna or Barbara Bush
Daughters of Emperor Bush II of the United States. There are obvious reasons to formally cement the Anglo-American alliance. Your pick, Will, but FHM thinks Jenna is hotter (she’s on the left). Of course if Hilary is crowned Empress in 2008, Princess Chelsea would also be a suitable choice.
Sincerely yours,
The Commonwealth
All good choices. Iman has an innocence about her that only foreign-military-trained Arabian princesses can.
Tsuguko-chan looks a bit chunkier than the others, no? I imagine in other, rice heavy, cultures Atkins is hard to implement.
The Bush Babes? That would be like dating Eva Braun: “he was really sweet around the house…”
Jack
18 Apr 07 at 2:13 pm
Iman actually looks a little too docile in most shots: but considering how Diana turned out, maybe that’s for the best.
The Imperial House of Japan is out of sync with the House of Windsor by half a generation, so the pickings are rather slim. Princess Noriko (who I am unable to find a photo of), is only 4 years younger than Prince Harry. The next closest after that is Prince Hisahito, currently 141 days old, 3 years younger than The Lady Louise Windsor.
To marry a Bush, William would need a stiff upper lip.
Jared
18 Apr 07 at 8:30 pm
[...] Posted by Jared on 06 Oct 2007 at 03:14 pm | Tagged as: Politics, Celebrities, Britain Now that Prince William and that commoner girl are back together again, my plan to unite noble houses is in jeopardy. So I’ve come up with something else that William can do to earn his keep once he’s discharged from the military: he should be the Governor General of a Commonwealth country. It turns out that his daddy was interested in Governing Australia in his youth. [...]
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