Marriages are Machines for Producing Relationship Products

by Jared

August 18, 2009 at 9:42 am
Tagged: , ,

Besides raising kids, a traditional marriage is an exchange of financial support for domestic products (“home economics”). These days men are better at producing their own domestic products and these products are more available on the open market (heat & serve meals, housekeeping by the hour, etc.). Women can get jobs that make enough to support themselves.

It has been argued that contemporary marriages are consumption partnerships. But I say marriages are still about producing something: relationship products. These are all the activities you like, from long walks on the beach to footrubs to sex that your friends don’t produce.

The two relationship products that men particularly benefit from consuming are:

Single women are not missing such vital relationship products, which explains why married men are statistically happier than single men but single women are happier than married women. Men get married instead of serially date to ensure a reliable supply of relationship products. Women can get relationship products without marriage, so advertisers create the need for marriage-as-romance. Marriages centred around relationship product production are “companionate marriages”.

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  1. Jack

    on August 18, 2009 at 10:04 am

    Last night MSNBC had a piece about how people are getting into relationships so there’s someone to split the bills with. I guess their thesis was of the “recession-motivated consumption partnership” flavor.

    My recent thinking on marriage has largely been [deletia] offensive, so I’ll keep it to myself. It seems like the real point of marriage is to find an Other to trip on pairbonding chemicals with. Everything else is Walt Disney and codependency.

    Thinking about this stuff makes it far more boring and inane than doing it though, so whatever: The dominant strategy, as always, is unconsciousness.

  2. Don

    on August 18, 2009 at 12:00 pm

    the real point of marriage is to find an Other to trip on pairbonding chemicals with

    A post-modernist explanation I’ve heard is that marriage is about having someone with whom you share / co-experience your narrative. Relatedly, someone who actually cares about the minutiae of your life.

  3. Jack

    on August 18, 2009 at 1:58 pm

    I mean no disrespect to married ladies, but: Damn the flirting is a bit much.

    I know it’s totally safe for you to engage in random flirtation now, but career advice of the form “hey Jack, why don’t you just whore your body out?” is a bit much…

    Awwww, who am I kidding. I loves it. I just need to build a client list.

  4. Don

    on August 18, 2009 at 7:06 pm

    I mean no disrespect to married ladies, but: Damn the flirting is a bit much.

    That is clearly bragging-by-complaining. “Why do women find me irresistible? I can’t get any work done, for all the constant sexual comments they send my way…”

  5. Jack

    on August 18, 2009 at 7:17 pm

    Bus-ted!

  6. Don

    on August 18, 2009 at 7:20 pm

    I think I agree with your “relationship products” model.

    After reading your post, I wondered what women actually do get out of marriage, so I asked a married woman. Apparently, she gets:

    • A situation that makes it more difficult and complicated for her husband to leave, and so he would hopefully be less likely to leave. So, call this increased long-term relationship security, which is a desirable thing if you want a permanent relationship.
    • Companionship. See Jared’s post, above.
    • Financial security, especially since men tend to earn more than women.
    • An good situation for procreation, should that arise.
    • Someone to do things with. If this means a yearly vacation, then this isn’t particularly in favour of marriage over other relationships. If it means more daily, mundane tasks, then I think it is: see my “post-modern” comment, above.

  7. Jared

    on August 20, 2009 at 1:46 pm

    @Don: The narrative analysis is wonderful! I’m not as sharp on narratives as I’d like to be. I’m going to have to think about this more…

  8. stewart

    on August 27, 2009 at 3:05 pm

    as I think I am the only one in any kind of serious relationship that reads this blog, marriage and relationships are about holding hands and walking into the future, alternately negotiating life decisions into comprise positions and doing stuff together.

    there is also something pretty nice about sleeping with another person on a daily basis; sexually or otherwise.

  9. Jack

    on August 27, 2009 at 3:14 pm

    @Stewart: Your assumption is incorrect :)